breaking news: thousands of swifties dead, still unclear if we are out of the woods

taylorswift:

Actually just laughed so loud I woke up both cats.

(Source: outofthwoods)

flyfella:

Do people know how the US government works? Cuz a lot of you are like “Why isn’t Obama doing this thing that he’s completely not allowed to do?

  • Playboy: The late Michael O’Donoghue, the first head writer for Saturday Night Live, once said, “It does help when writing humor to have a big hunk of meat between the legs.”
  • Tina Fey: I do have one, but it’s been flayed open to a vagina
  • Fantasy is silver and scarlet, indigo and azure, obsidian veined with gold and lapis lazuli. Reality is plywood and plastic, done up in mud brown and olive drab. Fantasy tastes of habaneros and honey, cinnamon and cloves, rare red meat and wines as sweet as summer. Reality is beans and tofu, and ashes at the end. Reality is the strip malls of Burbank, the smokestacks of Cleveland, a parking garage in Newark. Fantasy is the towers of Minas Tirith, the ancient stones of Gormenghast, the halls of Camelot. Fantasy flies on the wings of Icarus, reality on Southwest Airlines. Why do our dreams become so much smaller when they finally come true?

    We read fantasy to find the colors again, I think. To taste strong spices and hear the songs the sirens sang. There is something old and true in fantasy that speaks to something deep within us, to the child who dreamt that one day he would hunt the forests of the night, and feast beneath the hollow hills, and find a love to last forever somewhere south of Oz and north of Shangri-La.

    They can keep their heaven. When I die, I’d sooner go to Middle-Earth.

    - George R.R. Martin  (via indisposablehero)

    This is one of the most beautiful quotes I think I have ever read. I love it, and I will treasure it for my entire life.

    (via draodoir-mna)

    (Source: fourcolorfanboy)